most rocking!!!
who's Jackie Chan's saas(mother in law)?
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D-Cold Total!!!!
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"Chan ki saas"!!!!!!
--2---------------------------
2 sardars were crossing railway tracks.they saw a train coming 2wards
them suddenly they bend down y?
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bcoz the train was saying
"jhuk jhuk jhuk"
--3---------------------------
2 persons talking during diwali :
1st: Jab phatake phut te hai to Pahle light dhekhai deti hai phir
awaz, aisa kyon ?
2nd: Kyonki hamari aankh aage hai aur kaan piche
-----4------------------------
सेल्समन : साहेब मुंग्यांची पावडर घेणार का ?
साहेब : आम्ही मुंग्यांचे येवढे लाड करतच नाही,
आज पावडर दिली तर उद्या लिपस्टीक मागतील......
----5-------------------------
Aaj Tak(news channel) gets news that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident
at Amritsar station. Only one sardar left alive.
The correspondent goes to him and asks, Sardarji how did it happen?
Sardar: oh ji pucho mat.. sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par khade
gaadi ki wait kar
rahe they. Achanak announcement hui ki shatabdee express 2 no.
platform par aa rahi hai.
Jaise hi sab ne suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni
jaan bachane ke liye
patri par kood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi.
Aaj tak: Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin koode.
Sardar: oye nahin ji main to suicide karne ki liye patri par hi leta tha.
Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad gaya.
----6-------------------------
lolzzzzzz...!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night
and
he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies,
he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,
"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied,
"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour,
it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,
"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies,
"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
--7---------------------------
Tortois n Rabbit gav HSC xam.
Trtois-80% Rabbt-81%
Both wntd admsn in gud col
Cut off@85%
Rabbt dint get bt trtois got
Hw?
....
...
....
....
....
SPORTS QUATA !
Haihaha
---8--------------------------
'Bhai Sahab, vaha kaise jate hai ?'confused
'Kaha?'confused
'Vahi Vahi ....'
'Kaha ?'eek
'Arre yaar vahi ....'
'Abe kaha ?':mad
'Tch, arrer yaar VAHA !'
'Oooo ! vaha, ab Samajha - Vaha ! '
'Haan ab samajhe na yaar tum'
'Acha , aisa karo, pehale 'udher jana', fir vahse se 'us' tarsf mud
jana, fir 'udher' se usake peeche ho lena, fir 'vo' aayega....'
''vo' kya ?confused
'arre vohi vohi, whacky
'acha ! VO '
'Haan Haan, ekdum theek , vohi aaega, 'Vohi' ke theek peeche hai 'Vaha'
---9--------------------------
laloo wants 2 b cm an model so hi took some snaps wth his bufelloows
nxt de in da news paper the snap wz printed.......................
caption.......................
laloo....3rd 4m left
----10------------------------
POEM
Two shortest poems of the world:
1. JOHNY JOHNY
YES PAPA
EATING SUGAR
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HAN KYA KAR LEGA?
2. BABA BABA BLACK SHEEP
HAVE U ANE WOOL
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NO Leave me alone ..
---11-------------------------
worst joke off all
There are 100 birds on a tree, and hunter shoots one down!? How many
are left on the tree??
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.Ans: Only 50....coz they were deaf!!
---12-------------------------
Cry!
An ant is swimming with one hand in the air! Guess why!?
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Its watch wasnt water proof!
--13--------------------------
Sardar at electronics shop:
Customer: I want a color tv.
Sardar: Which color?!
---14-------------------------
Sardar in winter.
Wife: Its cold..dont take a shower now...
Sardar hubby: DOnt worry I am wearing a sweater!
------15----------------------
Another one!
Sardar is playing chess with his best friend " Vishwanathan Anand"
He keeps losing and gets really pissed off! He says I wont play any more...
Vishwanathan asks his friend not to get angry and says something in
his ear. Sardar ji is very happy..and says ok..I will play!!
What does Vishwa tell him!?
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guess
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" Psst..I will play with my left hand this time!!"
------16----------------------
Killer PJ
Question : Titanic kese duba??
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sochoo..
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come on yaar....its so simple........................
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yes..ui r very near to answer.................;
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.ha ha....very very near to answer...
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.give up kyaa......
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.ok....lemme tell you d ans is :
Budak,Budak,Budak,Budak,Budak,
---17-------------------------
eNOUGH oF sARDAR nOW mALLU iS hERE..!!!!!!!
Enough of Sardar jokes……………..Mallu jokes are here !
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called? IngumDax
2) Where did the Malayali study? In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today? He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? To go to Thuubai, zimbly to
meet his ungle in Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff? To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? He zimbly
jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon? MOON - Yem Who yet another Who and Yen
8) What is Malayali management graduate called? Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ? He changes his
name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? An Oto
11) Where does he pray? In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ? A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis don't werk hard? Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? Because 86% of
the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait? He had a Mallu baby-sitter,
who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line? " Frem Tea Shops To Koll
Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ? Coz
Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN bones ....
---18-------------------------
Gabbar : Kitne admi they?
Sambha : Sardar 2
Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 AA sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba : Sardar Maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do..
---19-------------------------
Dependency on computers
This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers.
Are you male or female?
To find out the answer, look down...
What r u Scrolling Down for?
-----20-----------------------
TRUE STORY - U CANT STOP LAUGHING
------------------------------
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, So he
decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally Typed
wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the
e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home
from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail,
expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed
into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer
screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now,
and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.I've just
reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you
then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
----21------------------------
How would you convert a bus into a female???
come late to the bus stop.
how???
late aaye to bus MISS ho jayegi...... dats how.....
----22------------------------
संता के घर लडकी ने जनम लिया
बंता: जब लडकी बड़ी होगी तो लड़के इसे छेड़ेंगे
संता: मैंने इसका इन्तजाम कर लिए है
बंता: क्या किया
संता: लडकी का नाम दीदी रख दिया ह!
---23-------------------------
shadi mein sardar bahut der se khana kha raha tha...dusre ne pucha
kab tak khaoge??.....
sardar:main to khud kha kha ke thak gaya hu....par card mein likha
hai..............
LUNCH 12 to 3pm
--24--------------------------
what do u call a three eyed pig??????????????
ANS: piiig
(think 4 urself)
----25------------------------
JOKE OF THE CENTURY.......................
Teacher asked Sardar:-- "If u dial 001 then wat will happen?????????"
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Sardar:-- "Police Jeep will come in REVERSE GEAR."
----26------------------------
A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him
with a bright,
"T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied,"S-H-!-T."
She looked puzzled, and repeated,"T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered,"S-H-!-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so, she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-!-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain, 'T-G-I-F" means
'Thank Goodness It's Friday." Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "'S-H-!-T' means Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.
-----27-----------------------
SARDARS PREPARATION OF MBA EXAM
SARDARS PREPARATION OF MBA EXAM
Santa singh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every
thing
except for the LOGIC part.
One day when he was reading, one of his non-sardar friends came home.
Friend Santa singhji How is your MBA preparation?
Santa Singh Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Friend Logic is very easy.
Santa singh Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Friend OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa YES.
Friend Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa YES.
Friend Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa YES.
Friend Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa YES.
Friend I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa YES.
Friend so, logically, you are married.
Santa YES.
Friend So, that means you are a heterosexual.
Santa singh was very glad and he understood logic.
Next day he sees
Banta singh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Santa How is your MBA preparation?
Banta Everything is fine except for the logic.
Santa Oh, logic is easy.
Banta Pleaseeee, give me an example.
Santa Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Banta NO, I don't.
Santa saala!!! HOMO!!!
------28----------------------
Part 1
A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... 'Aam hai kya?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bechte.'
Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ...'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi Bechte'
On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets wild and yells ...'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to tumhare
sar ke upar hathoda marunga '
The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi'
The parrot then asks ... 'Aam hai kya ?'
Part-2
The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks "Aam hai kya??"
The shopkeeper is ready now....
He quickly pulls a hammer and hitz the parrot on the face.
The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks
Scroll Down
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"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???"-
----29------------------------
Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
************ ********* ********* ****
Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'
************ ********* ********* ****
Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to
tumhare liye.
************ ********* ********* ****
Santa: Doc Saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc Saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi
zindagi hai.
************ ********* ********* ****
Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe
ghoom rahi thi...
Jeeto: Koun is film thi ?
Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !
************ ********* ********* ****
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the
name from NASA to SATYANASA
************ ********* ********* ****
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
************ ********* ********* ****
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
************ ********* ********* ****
Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents
-----30-----------------------
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
------31----------------------
Journalists at Don Ajit's house taking his interview.. they enquired
> him abt his "success ka raaz" ..
>
> he calls robert.. " Robert bring me a Baaz (a bird : just incase u
> guys dont know!! )" .. robert immediately brings the baaz..
>
> Ajit asks Mona to give the baaz a bath .. Mona carries out his order..
> he asks mona to put the baaz on his hand.. he takes out his gun and
> shoots the baaz.. and says" yeh hai meri success ka raaz"...
>
> all the journalists are lost.. how come this is your success ka raaz...
>
> In comes the reply
>
Faltu scroll nahi karwaunga...jaldi se answer padh lo.....
> " Main Dhoke-Baaz ko maar deta hoon .. "
----32------------------------
Night Classes
During work, John and William were chatting:
John: William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I
have an exam next week.
William: oh!
John: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
William: No
John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night
courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
John: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?
William: No
John: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night
courses, you would know this.
The next day, once again:
John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
William: No
John: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you
would know this.
This time, William got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who
is George Hunt?"
John: No
William: He's the guy enjoying with your wife!! If you stop night
courses, you would know this...
---33-------------------------
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him:
"kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai".
Sardarji replies: "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai,
lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata".
----34------------------------
Why did SHRUTI change her name to SHRAXIS?
socho socho
its simple yar
ok it's beacuse
UTI bank is now AXIS bank
---35-------------------------
Samadhan Hotel madhe Zaade Wadhat ka nahi...??
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Karan Tithe Wadhayla Waiter astat mhanun...!!!
----36------------------------
what will himesh say to magnify a picture
Zara zoom zoom..
-----37-----------------------
Man runs home & shouts: PACK UR BAG HONEY, I JUST WON 10 MILLION
DOLLARS IN LOTERY.
wife: do i pack 4 beach or resort?
Man: who cares? just pack n get lost..
-----38-----------------------
how do u call mr bean when he is sleeping
cant guess
try
ok
ok
SOYABEAN.!!!!!!! ha ha ha
-----39-----------------------
Father: How was your exam today ?
Son: Fine, except for one question which was difficult.
Father: Which one ?
Son: What is the past tense of THINK. I thought...i thought ...i
thought about it and wrote THUNK
------40----------------------
THE ORIGINAL QUOTE
If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....
THE NEW VERSIONS ARE.....
Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was
Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.
Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.
Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time forget her.
Patient:
If you love someone, Set her free ..
If she doesn't come back,
continue to wait until she comes back ...
Playful
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat ...
C++ Programmer:
if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she = new CShe;
Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!
Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second
Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom
Biologist :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.
------41----------------------
continued...
Statisticians :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming
back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable
anyway.
Schwarzenegger's fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!
Over possessive person :
If you love someone
don't set her free.
MBA :
If you love someone set her free instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously
Psychologist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.
Somnabulist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.
ERP functional expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis
Finance expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.
Marketing Specialist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market
American President:
If you love someone
Set her free
If she comes back she must be carrying weapons of mass destruction, so
attack Iraq
If she doesn't, it's the work of Osama so attack Afghanistan
----42------------------------
SCREWED
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly found himself surrounded by
a bloodthirsty group of natives.
Upon surveying the situation, he said quietly to himself,
"Oh God, I'm screwed."
A ray of light fell from the sky and a voice boomed out,
"No, you are not screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in
the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picked up the stone and proceeded to bash the life out
of the chief. He stood above the lifeless body, breathing heavily,
surrounded by 100 natives with looks of shock on their faces.
The voice boomed out again, "Okay, NOW you're screwed."
-----43-----------------------
wt will u call a sardar in water...
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jalander singh
---------44-------------------
wt will b the name of a man whose date of birth is missing frm birth
certificate..
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umar gul
-----45-----------------------
wt will u call a rope joining 2 peepal trees...
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nokia (connecting people- (peepal))
---46-------------------------
Whats black and white and black and white and black and white and
black and white?
a penguin rolling down a hill
------47----------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
fsh
======
What do you call a bears with no ears?
b
======
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
No eye dear
======
What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs?
still no idea
======
and finally..............
Why does Edward Woodward have four d's in his name?
Becauss otherwise he would be called Ewar Woowar
-----48-----------------------
A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police
officer pulled her over for speeding.
Officer: May i see your licence?
Lady: what does it look like?
Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and
hands it to the officer.
The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police
officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'
----49------------------------
1. What is height of Fashion?
A. Dhoti with a zip .
2. What is height of Secrecy?
A. Offering blank visiting cards.
3. What is height of Active laziness?
A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
4. What is height of Craziness?
A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
6. What is height of Stupidity?
A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
7. What is height of Honesty?
A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
8. What is height of Suicide?
A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
9. What is height of De-hydration?
A. A cow giving milk powder.
----50------------------------
The office phone rings. One of the employees picks up and says:
'What
kind of an idiot is it that dares to phone me in the middle of my
lunch
break?'
The caller shouts back: 'Do you have any idea whom you are talking
to?
I am the CEO of this company'.
The employee replies: 'Do you have any idea whom YOU are talking to?'
Perplexed, the CEO mumbles: 'No!'.
The employee heaves a sigh of relief and says: 'Thank God for that!'
and
hangs up.
--
******************************
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