Showing posts with label Trivia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trivia. Show all posts

Friday, July 10, 2009

Pune gardens serve as a recreational spot for the people of the city. The peace and serenity that characterizes most of the gardens of Pune provide them with the much-needed respite from the hustle and bustle of city life. Peshwa Udyan and Snake Park also have a zoo inside their premises, which serves as an added attraction for the kids. In the following lines, we have provided more information about the parks and gardens of Puna, India.


Bund Garden: The Bund Garden is located only 2 km away from the Pune railway station. The garden is just like a mini dam constructed over Mula-Muttha River. One can have an incredible view of the surrounding areas from the garden. Boating facilities are also available inside the park.

Empress Garden: Empress Garden is situated near the Pune Solapur Road. The garden was originally under the ownership of Sardar Vithalrao Purandhare and was managed by General Finjer. It came under the management of the British government in the year 1838.

Peshwa Udyan Zoo: Peshwa Udyan Zoo, situated near Saras Baug, is one of the major tourist attractions of Pune. The zoo, located away from the hustle and bustle of city life, is quite popular amongst children. The main attractions of the zoo comprise of its rich variety of wild animals, reptiles and birds.

Saras Baug: Saras Baug lies at a distance of approximately one kilometer from Swargate, Pune. The lush green lawns of the Baug, along with its blooming flowerbeds, attract tourist from far and wide. Pune Saras Baug is also quite famous for the Ganapati temple situated inside its premises.

Snake Park: Neelam Kumar Khaire established the Snake Park of Pune in the year 1986, with the help of Pune Municipal Corporation. In 1999, the park was included in the Rajeev Gandhi Udyan. Located on the Pune-Satara Highway, Snake Park is approximately 8 km away from the Pune city.Katraj GardenSituated on the Pune Satara Road, Katraj Garden lies next to Snake Park. The serenity and tranquility of the park is the main attraction for the people visiting the park. One can also go for boating on the small lake near the park.

Sambhaji Park: Sambhaji Park is situated on the Jangali Maharaj Road, at a distance of just one km from the Deccan Gymkhana. The park is famous for its fish aquarium, a small fort for kids and a magnificent fountain.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Infy

Infosys Chairman and Chief Mentor N R Narayan Murthy is a role model to the current generation. His success is the apt example to the youngsters of today to prove how success comes when you take the risk.

Murthy, is today a multi-billion rupee icon and still a down-to-earth man with great benevolence.

We are reproducing an amazing success story of Murthy & Co. from the Rediff portal on how they achieved the success.

May the road tread by Murthy inspire lacs of people.


Members of the Infosys start-up team in the early days. Chairman and Chief Mentor, the iconic N R Narayana Murthy, is seen at far left

Infosys Technologies is one of the few Indian companies that has changed the way the world looks at India.

No longer is India a land of snake charmers and beggars. It is now perceived as an economic giant to reckon with, bursting with brilliant software engineers and ambitious entrepreneurs. And Infosys is an symbol of India's information technology glory.

Infosys has many firsts to its name: The first Indian firm to list on Nasdaq; the first Indian IT company to cross the $1 billion mark; the first to promote offshore IT development; the first to offer stock options to its employees? It is an organisation that inspires awe and respect, globally.

On July 2, Infosys completed 25 years in existence. This is its amazing success story, illustrated by rare photographs.

Infosys founders (Left to right): Nandan Nilekani, S Gopalakrishnan, N R Narayana Murthy, K Dinesh, N S Raghavan and S D Shibulal.

How Infosys was born
The idea of Infosys was born on a morning in January 1981. That fateful day, N R Narayana Murthy and six software engineers sat in his apartment debating how they could create a company to write software codes.

Six months later, Infosys was registered as a private limited company on July 2, 1981. Infosys co-founder N S Raghavan's house in Matunga, northcentral Mumbai, was its registered office. It was then known as Infosys Consultants Pvt Ltd.

What was the company's starting capital?

US $250. Murthy borrowed $250 from his wife Sudha to start the company. The front room of Murthy's home was Infosys' first office, although the registered office was Raghavan's home.

Who were Murthy's six friends who joined hands to launch Infosys? Nandan Nilekani, N S Raghavan, S Gopalakrishnan, S D Shibulal, K Dinesh and Ashok Arora.

Are all of them still the founding directors?

Murthy is currently chief mentor and chairman while Nilekani is the chief executive officer and managing director. Gopalakrishnan, Shibulal and Dinesh are directors. Raghavan retired as joint managing director in 2000. He is currently the chairman of the advisory council of the N S Raghavan Centre for Entrepreneurial Learning at the Indian Institute of Management, Bangalore.

Ashok Arora worked for the company till 1988 and left after selling his shares in the then unlisted company back to the other promoters. He moved to the United States where he now works as a consultant.

(Left to right) Sudha Murthy, N R Narayana Murthy, Nandan Nilekani and Rohini Nilekani, a journalist at Bombay magazine before their wedding, at a picnic near Bangalore in the early 1980s.

'Murthy was always broke'

'Murthy was always broke. He always owed me money. We used to go for dinner and he would say, 'I don't have money with me, you pay my share, will return it to you later.' For three years, I maintained a book of Murthy's debts to me. No, he never returned the money and I finally tore it up after our wedding. The amount was a little over Rs 4,000.'
-- An excerpt from Sudha Murthy's reminiscences. She is the wife of Infosys founder N R Narayana Murthy.

Those days, Murthy wanted to do something with his life, but he had no money. Murthy was married to

Sudha on February 10, 1978, while he was working with Patni Computers.

In 1981, it was Murthy's idea to start Infosys. Murthy had a dream, and no money. So Sudha gave him Rs 10,000, which she had saved without his knowledge. Murthy and his six colleagues started Infosys in 1981.

No, it was not in Bangalore, but in Pune that Infosys set up its first office, in 1981. The house that Murthy and Sudha bought with a loan became the first Infosys office. As Murthy ran Infosys, Sudha took up a job as a systems analyst with the Walchand Group of Industries to support their household.

In 1983, Infosys moved to Bangalore when it got its first client, Data Basics Corporation from the United States.

The first mini computer arrived at Infosys in 1983. It was a Data General 32-bit MV8000. The very next year Infosys switched from mini to main frames with a CAMP application for a Data Basics customer.

Narayana Murthy (middle row, second from left), S D Shibulal (top row, left) and Nandan Nilekani (top row, extreme right, partly hidden) with friends at picnic near Bangalore, early 1980s.

A huge struggle, day in and day out

When they began moving ahead with Infosys, the founders -- Murthy, Nilekani, Shibulal and the others -- took a firm decision -- that their wives would not be involved in the running of the company. So after Murthy, it was Nilekani and his wife Rohini who moved to Bangalore. But they had no house to stay. So the Nilekanis stayed with the Murthys at their Jayanagar home in Bangalore.

Rohini took care of Murthy's son as Sudha helped write software programmes for Infosys. There was no luxury, only struggle, day and night. They had no car, no phone. Murthy later recalled that it was not the luxuries of life, but the passion to create something new and innovative that made them keep going on and on and on.

Despite the struggles, the Murthys, the Nilekanis and the other partners took time out for picnics in Bangalore.

The Murthys' Jayanagar house in Bangalore, where Nandan Nilekani and his wife stayed after they moved to the city to pursue their dream: Infosys

The crisis, and how Infosys began to grow

The first years of Infosys were not smooth. Most of the founders -- Murthy, Nilekani, Dinesh, Shibulal and Gopalkrishnan -- were into writing codes. And they wanted to make an impact in the American market.

So Infosys got its first joint venture partners in Kurt Salmon Associates. Gopalakrishnan, who had spent time working in the United States, was the public face of the KSA-Infosys venture in America.

But the joint venture collapsed in 1989, leaving Infosys in the lurch. Gopalakrishnan relives the memories of those days. "We had nothing after eight years of trying to bring up a company. Those who studied with us had cars and houses," he says. The collapse of the KSA joint venture led Infosys to its first crisis. The company was on the verge of collapse. One of the founder-partners -- Ashok Arora -- was dejected with the way the company was going, and decided to quit.

The others did not know what to do. But Murthy had the courage of conviction. 'If you all want to leave, you can. But I am going to stick (with it) and make it,' Murthy told them.

The other partners -- Nilekani, Gopalakrishnan, Shibulal, Dinesh and Raghavan -- decided to stay. And thus began to germinate the seeds of Infosys' enormous growth.

N R Narayana Murthy in New York to sign an agreement with American Express the Infosys BPO arm.

The Nasdaq listing It is said that Infosys began getting big breakthroughs from the US market. How? The initial foray of Infosys into the US market was through a company called Data Basics Corp as a 'body-shop' or on-site developer of software for US customers. Later, Infosys formed a joint venture with Kurt Salmon Associates to handle marketing in the United States.

Even today, Infosys derives about two-thirds of its revenue from the United States, serving corporate clients like Reebok, Visa, Boeing, Cisco Systems, Nordstrom and New York Life.

Infosys is the largest publicly traded IT services exporter in India, providing services to 315 large corporations, such as GE and Nortel, predominantly in the USA.

It was the first Indian company to list on the Nasdaq stock exchange in 1999.

And the other Infosys group companies?

Infosys Technologies (Shanghai) Company Limited: The company's base in China.
Infosys Australia Pty Ltd: Infosys' Australian venture.
Infosys Consulting Inc: The company's foray into the consulting business.

The early Infosys team brainstorming at Murthy's home in Bangalore, early 1980s.

Now, it's a global IT giant!

Today, Infosys provides consulting and IT services to clients globally.

It uses a low-risk, global delivery model to accelerate schedules with a high degree of time and cost predictability. The company has over 53,000 employees worldwide.

The Infosys corporate headquarters is located in Bangalore. Its US headquarters is in Fremont, California. Infosys has office across the globe: Atlanta, Bangalore, Beijing, Bellevue, Bridgewater, Bhubaneswar, Brussels, Charlotte, Chennai, Detroit, Frankfurt, Fremont, Hong Kong, Hyderabad, Lake Forest, Lisle, London, Mangalore, Mauritius, Melbourne, Milano, Mohali, Mumbai, Mysore, New Delhi, Paris, Phoenix, Plano, Pune, Quincy, Reston, Shanghai, Sharjah, Stockholm, Stuttgart, Sydney, Thiruvananthapuram, Tokyo, Toronto, Utrecht, Zurich.

Infosys CEO Nandan Nilekani spent a lot of his time writing software code in the company's early days.

25 years sheer determination, and growth

In the last 25 years, Infosys has been growing and growing.

Today, Infosys is India's second largest software exporter. It now enjoys a strong liquidity position with over Rs 6,000 crore (Rs 60 billion) in assets, including surplus cash. During 2005-2006, the Infosys internal cash accruals more adequately covered working capital requirements, capital expenditure and dividend payments leaving a surplus of Rs 1,612 crore (Rs 16.12 billion).

As on March 2006, the company had liquid assets including investments in liquid mutual funds of Rs 4,463 crore (Rs 44.63 billion). This collectively makes the liquidity strength of Infosys at Rs 6,078 crore (Rs 60.78 billion).

Where are these funds parked?

These funds have been deposited with banks, highly rated financial institutions and in liquid mutual funds. Infosys last year derived an average yield of 4.48 per cent (tax free) from these investments. The company received Rs 647 crore (Rs 6.47 billion) on exercise of stock options by employees and cash equivalents including liquid mutual funds increased by Rs 1,612 crore during 2005-06.

Key milestones

Year of Incorporation : 1981
Became a public limited company in India : 1992
ISO 9001/TickIT Certification : 1993
Attained SEI-CMM Level 4 : 1997
Listed on NASDAQ : 1999
Crossed $100 million in annual revenues : 1999
Attained SEI-CMM Level 5 : 1999
Crossed $400 million in revenues : 2001
Crossed $ half a billion in revenues : 2002
Crossed $ billion in revenues : 2004
Crossed $ 2 billion in revenues : 2006


The Infosys campus in Bangalore.

The Infosys Building in Pune.

The fantastic Infosys campus

The sprawling Infosys campus in Bangalore is the symbol of India's infotech growth. It is a campus where a company's beliefs are unique:

'We want to create wealth legally and ethically.'
'We believe a good night's sleep is worth a billion dollars.'
'A small percentage of a growing pie is better than a large part of a shrinking pie.'
These are the tenets that have helped India's largest software company grow into a well respected organisation.

Thanks to www.daijiworld.com for the info and the pics.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Meter Down

I hailed a rickshaw,
F.C. Road? I asked.
No, replied the driver,
and wobbled off narrowly missing a large pothole.

I hailed a rickshaw,
Koregaon Park? i asked.
The driver shook his head
and wobbled off escaping
a traffic light by turning left.

I hailed a rickshaw,
Mahatre pul? I asked.
The driver didn't say anything
and wobbled off almost killing
a cyclist while he overtook a car.

I hailed a rickshaw,
Where do u want to go? I asked !
-----Veda Aggarwal
(taken from Pune mirror)

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Puneri Hindi

Pahili baar, pohne gaya to kya hua
maloom? Pahile paani mein shira,
Phir Poha aur baad mein buda.

Ghai karo Bhaiyya, Nahi to Bus Jayegi
aur humaari Panchaiit hoyengi!

Sarbat Mein Limbu Pilaa Kya?

Itna Mahaag kaise re tere yahaan?
Woh Kopre ka bhaiyya to svasta deta hai!

Kaanda kaat ke, Chir ke mast omlete banane ka,
aur upar se thoda kothimbir bhurbhuraneka!

Arre Baba, Gaadi savli mein laga!

Eh Bhai, Medu Wada shepret laana, sambar mein
budake mat laana!

Kes ekdum bareek kaapo bhaiyya!

Khao Potbhar khao, laazo mat!

Dhaavte Dhaavte girya to kaadkan haat ka haad

aisa karo pahile aage jao phir davikade walo aur badame phir davikade

Saturday, March 1, 2008

50 Jokes to BOOST UP Ur Life

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most rocking!!!
who's Jackie Chan's saas(mother in law)?
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D-Cold Total!!!!
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"Chan ki saas"!!!!!!



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2 sardars were crossing railway tracks.they saw a train coming 2wards
them suddenly they bend down y?
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bcoz the train was saying
"jhuk jhuk jhuk"



--3---------------------------
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2 persons talking during diwali :
1st: Jab phatake phut te hai to Pahle light dhekhai deti hai phir
awaz, aisa kyon ?
2nd: Kyonki hamari aankh aage hai aur kaan piche

-----4------------------------
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सेल्समन : साहेब मुंग्यांची पावडर घेणार का ?
साहेब : आम्ही मुंग्यांचे येवढे लाड करतच नाही,
आज पावडर दिली तर उद्या लिपस्टीक मागतील......

----5-------------------------
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Aaj Tak(news channel) gets news that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident
at Amritsar station. Only one sardar left alive.

The correspondent goes to him and asks, Sardarji how did it happen?
Sardar: oh ji pucho mat.. sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par khade
gaadi ki wait kar
rahe they. Achanak announcement hui ki shatabdee express 2 no.
platform par aa rahi hai.
Jaise hi sab ne suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni
jaan bachane ke liye
patri par kood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi.

Aaj tak: Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin koode.
Sardar: oye nahin ji main to suicide karne ki liye patri par hi leta tha.
Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad gaya.

----6-------------------------
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lolzzzzzz...!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night

and

he saw Steven Spielberg.


As he was a great fan of his movies,

he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.






Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,

"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."






The astonished Chinese man replied,

"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour,

it was the Japanese".






"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.






In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,

"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."


Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."






The Chinese replies,

"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
--7---------------------------
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Tortois n Rabbit gav HSC xam.
Trtois-80% Rabbt-81%
Both wntd admsn in gud col
Cut off@85%
Rabbt dint get bt trtois got
Hw?
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SPORTS QUATA !
Haihaha
---8--------------------------
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'Bhai Sahab, vaha kaise jate hai ?'confused
'Kaha?'confused
'Vahi Vahi ....'
'Kaha ?'eek
'Arre yaar vahi ....'
'Abe kaha ?':mad
'Tch, arrer yaar VAHA !'
'Oooo ! vaha, ab Samajha - Vaha ! '
'Haan ab samajhe na yaar tum'
'Acha , aisa karo, pehale 'udher jana', fir vahse se 'us' tarsf mud
jana, fir 'udher' se usake peeche ho lena, fir 'vo' aayega....'
''vo' kya ?confused
'arre vohi vohi, whacky
'acha ! VO '
'Haan Haan, ekdum theek , vohi aaega, 'Vohi' ke theek peeche hai 'Vaha'
---9--------------------------
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laloo wants 2 b cm an model so hi took some snaps wth his bufelloows


nxt de in da news paper the snap wz printed.......................
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caption.......................
....



laloo....3rd 4m left

----10------------------------
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POEM

Two shortest poems of the world:

1. JOHNY JOHNY
YES PAPA
EATING SUGAR

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HAN KYA KAR LEGA?



2. BABA BABA BLACK SHEEP
HAVE U ANE WOOL
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NO Leave me alone ..
---11-------------------------
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worst joke off all

There are 100 birds on a tree, and hunter shoots one down!? How many
are left on the tree??
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.Ans: Only 50....coz they were deaf!!
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Cry!

An ant is swimming with one hand in the air! Guess why!?
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Its watch wasnt water proof!
--13--------------------------
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Sardar at electronics shop:

Customer: I want a color tv.
Sardar: Which color?!
---14-------------------------
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Sardar in winter.

Wife: Its cold..dont take a shower now...
Sardar hubby: DOnt worry I am wearing a sweater!

------15----------------------
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Another one!

Sardar is playing chess with his best friend " Vishwanathan Anand"
He keeps losing and gets really pissed off! He says I wont play any more...
Vishwanathan asks his friend not to get angry and says something in
his ear. Sardar ji is very happy..and says ok..I will play!!
What does Vishwa tell him!?
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guess
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" Psst..I will play with my left hand this time!!"


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Killer PJ

Question : Titanic kese duba??

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sochoo..


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come on yaar....its so simple........................
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yes..ui r very near to answer.................;

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.ha ha....very very near to answer...
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.give up kyaa......
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.ok....lemme tell you d ans is :
Budak,Budak,Budak,Budak,Budak,
Budak,Budak,Budak,Budak,Budak,Budak,Budak,Budak


---17-------------------------
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eNOUGH oF sARDAR nOW mALLU iS hERE..!!!!!!!

Enough of Sardar jokes……………..Mallu jokes are here !

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called? IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study? In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today? He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? To go to Thuubai, zimbly to
meet his ungle in Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff? To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? He zimbly
jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon? MOON - Yem Who yet another Who and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called? Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ? He changes his
name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? An Oto

11) Where does he pray? In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ? A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis don't werk hard? Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? Because 86% of
the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait? He had a Mallu baby-sitter,
who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line? " Frem Tea Shops To Koll
Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ? Coz
Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of kokanet oil.

19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.

20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN bones ....
---18-------------------------
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Gabbar : Kitne admi they?
Sambha : Sardar 2


Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai


Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.


Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata


Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 AA sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.


Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.


Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba : Sardar Maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do..

---19-------------------------
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Dependency on computers

This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers.


Are you male or female?

To find out the answer, look down...



What r u Scrolling Down for?
-----20-----------------------
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TRUE STORY - U CANT STOP LAUGHING
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A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, So he
decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally Typed
wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the
e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home
from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail,
expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed
into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer
screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now,
and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.I've just
reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you
then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
----21------------------------
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How would you convert a bus into a female???





come late to the bus stop.
how???





late aaye to bus MISS ho jayegi...... dats how.....
----22------------------------
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संता के घर लडकी ने जनम लिया

बंता: जब लडकी बड़ी होगी तो लड़के इसे छेड़ेंगे
संता: मैंने इसका इन्तजाम कर लिए है
बंता: क्या किया
संता: लडकी का नाम दीदी रख दिया ह!
---23-------------------------
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shadi mein sardar bahut der se khana kha raha tha...dusre ne pucha
kab tak khaoge??.....
sardar:main to khud kha kha ke thak gaya hu....par card mein likha
hai..............
LUNCH 12 to 3pm
--24--------------------------
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what do u call a three eyed pig??????????????

ANS: piiig
(think 4 urself)

----25------------------------
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JOKE OF THE CENTURY.......................

Teacher asked Sardar:-- "If u dial 001 then wat will happen?????????"

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Sardar:-- "Police Jeep will come in REVERSE GEAR."

----26------------------------
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A business man got on an elevator.



When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him
with a bright,

"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied,"S-H-!-T."

She looked puzzled, and repeated,"T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered,"S-H-!-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so, she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-!-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain, 'T-G-I-F" means
'Thank Goodness It's Friday." Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-!-T' means Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.

-----27-----------------------
------------------------------------------------------------


SARDARS PREPARATION OF MBA EXAM

SARDARS PREPARATION OF MBA EXAM



Santa singh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every
thing
except for the LOGIC part.

One day when he was reading, one of his non-sardar friends came home.


Friend Santa singhji How is your MBA preparation?
Santa Singh Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Friend Logic is very easy.
Santa singh Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Friend OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?

Santa YES.

Friend Logically, there will be water in it.

Santa YES.

Friend Logically, there will be fish in it.

Santa YES.

Friend Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.

Santa YES.

Friend I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.

Santa YES.

Friend so, logically, you are married.

Santa YES.

Friend So, that means you are a heterosexual.

Santa singh was very glad and he understood logic.
Next day he sees

Banta singh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Santa How is your MBA preparation?

Banta Everything is fine except for the logic.
Santa Oh, logic is easy.
Banta Pleaseeee, give me an example.

Santa Do you have a fish pot in your house?

Banta NO, I don't.

Santa saala!!! HOMO!!!
------28----------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
Part 1

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... 'Aam hai kya?'

The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bechte.'

Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ...'Aam hai kya ?'

He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi Bechte'

On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'

He gets wild and yells ...'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to tumhare
sar ke upar hathoda marunga '

The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya?'

The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi'

The parrot then asks ... 'Aam hai kya ?'

Part-2

The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks "Aam hai kya??"

The shopkeeper is ready now....
He quickly pulls a hammer and hitz the parrot on the face.
The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks

Scroll Down
---

---

---

---

"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???"-

----29------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------

Santa asks: Who r u?

Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?

Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
************ ********* ********* ****

Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,

Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?

Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'
************ ********* ********* ****

Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?

Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to
tumhare liye.
************ ********* ********* ****

Santa: Doc Saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?

Doc: Haan, bilkul.

Santa: To phir theek hai doc Saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi
zindagi hai.
************ ********* ********* ****

Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe
ghoom rahi thi...

Jeeto: Koun is film thi ?

Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !
************ ********* ********* ****

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the
name from NASA to SATYANASA
************ ********* ********* ****

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa: I'm falling in love.
************ ********* ********* ****

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye

Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
************ ********* ********* ****

Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets

Jeeto: Why 3?

Santa: For you and your parents


-----30-----------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
------31----------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
Journalists at Don Ajit's house taking his interview.. they enquired
> him abt his "success ka raaz" ..
>
> he calls robert.. " Robert bring me a Baaz (a bird : just incase u
> guys dont know!! )" .. robert immediately brings the baaz..
>
> Ajit asks Mona to give the baaz a bath .. Mona carries out his order..
> he asks mona to put the baaz on his hand.. he takes out his gun and
> shoots the baaz.. and says" yeh hai meri success ka raaz"...
>
> all the journalists are lost.. how come this is your success ka raaz...
>
> In comes the reply
>

Faltu scroll nahi karwaunga...jaldi se answer padh lo.....


> " Main Dhoke-Baaz ko maar deta hoon .. "
----32------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------

Night Classes

During work, John and William were chatting:

John: William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I
have an exam next week.

William: oh!

John: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?

William: No

John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night
courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:

John: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?

William: No

John: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night
courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:

John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?

William: No

John: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you
would know this.

This time, William got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who
is George Hunt?"

John: No

William: He's the guy enjoying with your wife!! If you stop night
courses, you would know this...
---33-------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him:
"kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai".

Sardarji replies: "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai,
lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata".
----34------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
Why did SHRUTI change her name to SHRAXIS?













socho socho























its simple yar

















ok it's beacuse














UTI bank is now AXIS bank
---35-------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
Samadhan Hotel madhe Zaade Wadhat ka nahi...??
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
??????.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Karan Tithe Wadhayla Waiter astat mhanun...!!!
----36------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
what will himesh say to magnify a picture




Zara zoom zoom..
-----37-----------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
Man runs home & shouts: PACK UR BAG HONEY, I JUST WON 10 MILLION
DOLLARS IN LOTERY.

wife: do i pack 4 beach or resort?

Man: who cares? just pack n get lost..
-----38-----------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
how do u call mr bean when he is sleeping























cant guess












try











ok
ok


SOYABEAN.!!!!!!! ha ha ha
-----39-----------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
Father: How was your exam today ?

Son: Fine, except for one question which was difficult.

Father: Which one ?

Son: What is the past tense of THINK. I thought...i thought ...i
thought about it and wrote THUNK
------40----------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
THE ORIGINAL QUOTE

If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....

THE NEW VERSIONS ARE.....

Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone, Set her free ..
If she doesn't come back,
continue to wait until she comes back ...

Playful
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat ...

C++ Programmer:
if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she = new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second
Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom

Biologist :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.
------41----------------------
--------------------------------------------------------

continued...

Statisticians :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming
back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable
anyway.

Schwarzenegger's fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person :
If you love someone
don't set her free.

MBA :
If you love someone set her free instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously
Psychologist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnabulist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

ERP functional expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market

American President:
If you love someone
Set her free
If she comes back she must be carrying weapons of mass destruction, so
attack Iraq
If she doesn't, it's the work of Osama so attack Afghanistan
----42------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------

SCREWED

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly found himself surrounded by
a bloodthirsty group of natives.

Upon surveying the situation, he said quietly to himself,

"Oh God, I'm screwed."

A ray of light fell from the sky and a voice boomed out,

"No, you are not screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in
the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picked up the stone and proceeded to bash the life out
of the chief. He stood above the lifeless body, breathing heavily,
surrounded by 100 natives with looks of shock on their faces.

The voice boomed out again, "Okay, NOW you're screwed."
-----43-----------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
wt will u call a sardar in water...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
jalander singh
---------44-------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
wt will b the name of a man whose date of birth is missing frm birth
certificate..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
umar gul
-----45-----------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
wt will u call a rope joining 2 peepal trees...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
nokia (connecting people- (peepal))
---46-------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
Whats black and white and black and white and black and white and
black and white?







a penguin rolling down a hill
------47----------------------
-------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes?


fsh

======
What do you call a bears with no ears?


b

======
What do you call a dear with no eyes?


No eye dear

======
What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs?


still no idea

======
and finally..............


Why does Edward Woodward have four d's in his name?


Becauss otherwise he would be called Ewar Woowar
-----48-----------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police
officer pulled her over for speeding.

Officer: May i see your licence?

Lady: what does it look like?

Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and
hands it to the officer.

The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police
officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'
----49------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
1. What is height of Fashion?

A. Dhoti with a zip .


2. What is height of Secrecy?

A. Offering blank visiting cards.


3. What is height of Active laziness?

A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.


4. What is height of Craziness?

A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

5. What is height of Forgetfulness?

A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.


6. What is height of Stupidity?

A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.


7. What is height of Honesty?

A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.


8. What is height of Suicide?

A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.


9. What is height of De-hydration?

A. A cow giving milk powder.

----50------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
The office phone rings. One of the employees picks up and says:
'What

kind of an idiot is it that dares to phone me in the middle of my

lunch

break?'



The caller shouts back: 'Do you have any idea whom you are talking

to?

I am the CEO of this company'.



The employee replies: 'Do you have any idea whom YOU are talking to?'



Perplexed, the CEO mumbles: 'No!'.



The employee heaves a sigh of relief and says: 'Thank God for that!'

and

hangs up.




--
******************************
***************